I can remember as a young athlete, my parents would drop me off at practice… leave me there with the Coach or Coaches, then come back and pick me up after practice… or I would even grab a ride home with a neighbor!
That shit doesn’t roll these days! Leave your kid?? Hell no! But why? What’s changed over the past 30 years that we, as a society, are less trusting? Is it the Internet? Is it the fact that we know everyone’s business, likes and dislikes because of social media crap like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram? Is it because times are just different? People losing jobs, walking away from homes and searching for that town, that place where they can start over and “be ok” dropping off their kid at basketball practice?
Just take a look around at the signs of the times… it’s hard, and I get it. But what happened to the love?
For instance… my 9 year old daughter plays rec basketball. She loves it, and I love that she loves it. All the girls in the rec program had the opportunity to play in a local tournament, and she decided she wanted to play… and she is playing very well! This tournament takes those rec girls and puts them into a different setting… the best players play more, and… like it or not, there is a bit of an emphasis on winning the games (for it’s a double elimination tournament). In my opinion, it’s the perfect time for her to figure this stuff out! Work hard at practice, play well, play more… equals a lifetime love of a sport, in this case basketball.
Fast forward, her team is unbeaten and moving into the finals. Last weekend’s game they had to play a team they had already beaten… not sure how that happened in terms of the brackets, but that’s not important. This team we had to play has a long history of winning this particular tournament. The team has one very good player, and is well coached… but the Coach of that team unfortunately sealed the fate of his team, regardless of their efforts and skill.
It played out like this…
It was a tight game. First half, we got hosed on a bad call. Our coached got a little heated, but kept his focus on the girls, regrouped and stayed in the game… kept the girls focused and motivated. Second half, opposing team gets hosed on a bad call. Their coach stormed the court and became aggressive and confrontational with the ref. It was a moment where I started scanning the gym, taking inventory of the anger and aggression displayed by the parents, immediately pinpointing who I had to keep my eyes on if things escalated. I spanned to all of the players… 8-9 year old girls… some crying, some confused, others petrified by what was happening.
The coach lost it. The ref, almost lost it! It was clear to me that something was going on in their lives that had nothing to do with that bad call, but because the ref and coach couldn’t keep their shit together in minor time of crisis, it created a very negative situation… almost leading to a physical exchange.
There was a lot of anger and aggression in the air of that gym, and it was uncomfortable to hear girls crying as they watched their coach get escorted out of the building because of ONE missed call… ONE missed call??
We won, and our girls played a tremendous game… definitely well prepared by their coach! But the drive home was not one of celebration and excitement of going to the finals next week… it was awkward silence followed by a lot of questions.
“Why did their coach get so angry Daddy?”
“Well, I think he felt the refs made a bad call, and his team was being treated unfairly.”
“Well I was frightened.”
In my head, I am thinking… “My 9 year old daughter just said she was frightened. What 9 year old uses a word like that? Especially when talking about playing a sport she loves??”
My response was quick and simple… “You gotta keep your emotions in check, always. There are gonna be a ton of calls that don’t go your way, and there is nothing you can do about that… the only person you can control is yourself. So when you get that bad call, or things don’t go your way, you gotta turn those emotions into positive energy, and create something good.”
She is 9, so does she get it? I don’t know.
But what I saw happen that day was a sign of our hard times. People are angry with shit in their lives, and unfortunately some of those people cannot channel that anger into constructive positive energy. I know because I lived it, I was in that place once, I was angry with what life didn’t do for me, and I was a bad coach to my athletes, I was a distant husband, father and friend. I know what it feels like to lose stuff, and not have stuff, or not have enough money to provide for the people you love. It sucks.
But one day my eyes were opened. I got over myself, and I learned how to love… how to be in the now… how to let loose the illusion of control, and the false “need” of money to create happiness.
Now when the shit goes down, and things start to escalate around me, it’s like it’s all in slow motion. I can see my exit plan, I can see the words I am going to use to quell the anger and aggression, and I can feel the love encompass me like my favorite Rogue hoodie!
Times are tough. Life isn’t easy. These are things we cannot control… but what we can control is our perspective of these things. Smile at people. Give hugs. Listen instead of talking. Find peace, and hang there for a spell… and if you find out you don’t like hanging with yourself, talk to someone about it! Don’t take it out on the ones you love, or whoever happens to be in front of you at the moment!
There is a bigger picture here, and we make up a small fraction of a fraction of that big picture.
Create love…
Love makes a difference!
